EnglandxReader: A Pretend Family

Today was actually the third year anniversary of your uncle and his wife and they have been planning to go to a theater and then to a restaurant to celebrate.

But right before the two of them could even leave to spend their special day together, you decided to ruin their day first by having an argument with them on who should take care of their cute, little daughter. A.K.A: Your beloved, little cousin.

"But I do want to take care of her, uncle! Give me a proper reason as to why you don't want me to!" You demanded as you watched your uncle look for his car keys. "She doesn't need a freaking baby-sitter! She has me!"

"You dropped her yesterday! You almost had her killed!" Your uncle retorted as he finally found the silver Honda Civic car key from underneath the fluffy, soft and purple couch that he always took naps on.

Your face flushed upon remembering what happened last night.

Your aunt and uncle were out to find a college for you to enroll in and you were left alone at home, sitting on your bed, watching your favorite horror movie while cradling your six-month old cousin in your arms. You never got scared of horror movies, so you knew it wouldn't surprise you. But right when there was a high-tension scene and a really it's-so-creepy-it's-epic sound was playing...

"Boo!" Your neighbor, Gilbert Beilschimdit's head popped up from your bedroom's window while wearing a very maniacal expression on his face.

"Gah!" You jumped in surprise, making you loosen your hold on the baby in your arms and accidentally drop her. "Bastard! Go bother someone else!" You screamed as you tried hushing the baby girl who has started crying.

"Kesese! Make me!" He teased.

"Fine... Oh, Ivan~"

Then all of a sudden the creepiest lad in the neighborhood, Ivan Braginski, appeared right behind Gilbert, making the albino man freeze in pure and utter horror. "You called?"

"Gilbert here says he wants to become one." You said with a smirk.  

"N-No... I... I..." Gilbert stammered as he stared at the Russian man-child. Then, he made a mad dash to his left and ran away, screaming the words "You'll pay for this, frau!" in the process.

Then an hour after that encounter, your uncle suddenly stormed into your room, closely followed by his wife who looks like she was just crying. "Gilbert called and told me you almost had our daughter killed!"

And for the rest of the day, you suffered hearing rants about how you should take proper care of a child, how your uncle and aunt will never trust you with their baby and how you'll never make a good mother.

"It was an accident! And besides, I was on the bed. I did drop her, but at least she didn't die." You rolled your eyes at him, causing him to give you a glare in return.

"Your mother may have asked me to take care of you like you were my own child, but continue taking my actual daughter's well-being for granted and I'll throw you out faster than you can scream "Mommy!"" He bellowed.

"But I... I... Fine. I'll drop the whole baby-sitting issue now." You sighed as you slouched your shoulders in defeat.

"Good." Your uncle said. "Anyway, her baby-sitter will arrive in fifteen minutes. You should guide him and show him the works, okay?"

"Fine." You grumbled. "But I'm still thinking you guys are wasting money. I am perfectly capable of taking care of her all by myself."

"Then why don't you assist her baby-sitter if you want to take care of her so badly?" He asked.

"Yeah. Whatever. Just go to your stupid, boring theater thing." You said as you shoved him out of the door.

"Uhm... Don't you want us to bring you anything for dinner, dear?" Your aunt piped up as she wore the silver sandals that matched her sky-blue cocktail dress very well.

"Nah. You don't have to. I'll just go raid the fridge."

"Oh... Alright, then. Well, say goodbye to the baby for me, okay? She fell asleep when I was taking a bath."

"Yeah... Yeah. Now shoo!" You said as you shoved her out of the door like you did with your uncle.

And then ten minutes after you heard the car leave, the doorbell rings and you reluctantly open your home's front door.

You were greeted by the sight of a handsome, young man with slightly messy blond hair and beautiful green eyes. He also had thick eyebrows that somewhat fitted his face just fine.

"Good afternoon, miss! You are my employer's niece, correct? He told me that his niece is the only who was left alone with the child." The stranger said with a British accent.

"Uh.... Yeah. Are you the baby-sitter?" You asked. You were originally expecting some geek to baby-sit your cousin, so the sight of the sexy British man definitely caught you off guard.

"Yes... My name is Arthur Kirkland... And my guess is you are the child's cousin..." He gave you a slight smile as he said your name.

"Yep. That's me." You mumbled. "The baby's upstairs, do you want me to bring her down here? Or do you prefer guarding her in her own room?"

"Ah... I'll agree to whatever you see fit." He said as he removed his blue jacket that had Britain's flag drawn on its back.

Y U SO POMPOUS?! You thought to yourself before speaking up. "I'll just bring her down here. She has a crib here on the first floor, anyway."

"That's good."

You brought the baby down and handed her to Arthur. After that, you decided to go play with your uncle's gaming systems. Things were going okay and you were about to trust your cousin's new baby-sitter, but when you suddenly smelled something burning and you heard your cousin bawling, all thoughts of trusting him evaporated. You jumped off of the couch and walked to the dining area where Arthur was supposedly feeding the child.


"What in the name of all things good and just in this world are you making her eat?!" You screamed as you stared at the thing that he was force-feeding to your cousin that oddly looked like a stone that was colored brown in the top part, white in the middle and black at the bottom and sides. "Is... Is that Brown and White Painted Charcoal?! Oh, my God! You're murdering my cousin by making her eat charcoal disguised as bread!"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?! This isn't charcoal! They're scones! I cooked them myself!"

"Oh my God... You're planning to kill my cousin by food poison!" You screamed, your eyes wide.

"What?! Stop spouting out nonsense, you git!" He shouted, causing the baby to cry louder and louder. "I'll have you know, I used my grandmummy's recipe! So this should taste fine!"

"That doesn't look good at all! If you feed that to her, I swear to God, I'll kill you!" You snapped. "And besides, Babies can't eat scones... Even if they're actually edible"

"Then what am I supposed to feed her? She's hungry!" He snapped back.

"Oh, I don't know... What about the milk and biscuits sitting at the table over there?!" You shouted as you pointed at the dining table behind him.

"O-Oh..."

"Man, for a baby-sitter, you sure are dumb." You grumbled as you got your cousin from him and started feeding her.

And thankfully, after thirty minutes, she finally burped and dozed off, so you decided to lie her on her wooden crib that had a pink cushion, white blankets and pink pillows all over it.

But twenty minutes after you let her lie down, she opened her eyes and started crying again.

"Hey! She just ate! What's wrong this time?" Arthur asked, panicking. "Is her nappies full perhaps?"

"Oh, shut up you! She just wants someone to entertain her." You said as you leaned down and made funny faces. "Haooo! Are you bored, cuz? Ohhh! Wah! Haha! Who's the cute wittle baby... Who's the cutie of this wittle house?" You continued making funny faces and talking in your baby voice until she finally giggled and reached up to touch your nose.

"So that's all that she needed?" He asked.

"Yeah. Uncle says she gets easily bored so you need to entertain her when she doesn't want to sleep."

"Then if she needs entertainment... We should bring her outside and let her have a little fresh air while letting her see the sights of the outside world!" He said, his face brighting up.

"Uh... Well, I don't like bringing her outside. I don't think it's safe." You said as you started puffing out your cheeks to continue entertaining your cousin.

"Nonsense! This village is probably one of the safest villages I know!" He exclaimed. "And you can actually take a break from doing all those silly faces. You do look cute and all when you're doing it, but I'm sure you're growing tired."

"Alright... Alright. We'll bring her outside. Let me go get the stroller." You said, flustered of the fact that he called you cute.

(~~Le Time Skip)

You, Arthur and your little cousin, who's currently comfortably seated in a stroller, were already at the park and had been enjoying the fresh air and the sight of the children playing on the swings, slides and monkey bars, when suddenly...

"My... My... What a lovely family. The mom and dad may be a little too young to become parents, but somehow, I can tell that all of them would be happy and okay." An old lady with her brown hair done up in a tight bun and wearing a white apron over her black dress said from behind you.

"You could say that again. I hope other teen-aged parents are like that." Said the woman she was talking to who had long black, curly hair and wearing a simple yellow blouse paired with a long green, skirt.

"Uhmmm... I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, madame. But the infant with us isn't our child. She's my cousin." You said while trying to keep yourself from stuttering in embarrassment.

"Oh! We're so terribly sorry for assuming that you're a teenage mom!" The lady with the curly, black hair replied. "And wow... It's so nice of your boyfriend to help you take care of her. He's a real keeper, my dear! I'm sure he'd make a great husband if you were to marry him!"

Your eyes widen and you could have sworn then and there that your face was so red that if someone were to smear red lipstick all over your cheeks, no one would notice it. "Ah... Hahaha! Uhmm... He's not my er... boyfriend."

"Oh, really? The two of you look like such a sweet couple though." The woman with the tight bun said.

Sweet merciful fuck, no... I'm not gonna have some guy I've only known for one whole day as my boyfriend. You initially thought to yourself, but when you looked at the blushing young man behind you, all hostile thoughts disappeared. Though, I have to admit... If I were to get to know him better, I wouldn't hesitate to date him, he's kinda hot.

"Ah... As much as I'd like to stay and have a chat with you ladies... The child seems to be feeling cold now so we ought to return back to our home... Oh, I mean their home..." Arthur suddenly interjects before the two middle-aged women could even say anything else.

"Oh, does she feel cold? Here. Wrap my jacket around her." You started taking off your jacket when he suddenly shook his head.

"No. A true gentleman would never let two girls feel cold." He said as he took off his own and gently placed it on top of the baby like a blanket.

"Awww! Would you mind if I take a picture of the three of you? I'll send it to my younger brother who's a columnist in a family magazine." The lady with the curly hair suddenly exclaimed.

"Oh... No. No way. Uhmmm... I don't like publicity! Bye!" You said as you walked away from her, pushing the baby's stroll and pulling on Arthur's arm at the same time.

When all three of you were already home, your little cousin started crying again. You tried pulling off the funny face look again, but it failed, Arthur had already changed her diaper, but she still continued crying, you tried to feed her, but she refused to eat anything.

"Hush, cuz... There, there... Don't cry!" You said as you cradled her in your arms. "D-Do you feel sick or something? Please don't cry! Don't cry!"

"Hey... I think I know what's wrong... She must be sleepy." Arthur said while taking the baby off of your arms and started cradling her himself.

And then he started humming a lullaby which almost instantly calmed the little girl down.

His voice was... beautiful would have been a huge understatement. It was wonderful and enchanting. And with the way he was singing, you could have easily guessed that it was a song directly from the heart, a song that comforted your little cousin and a song that suddenly stirred up emotions deep inside of you.

Oh... Oh my God. That voice... He has Those looks...  That talent. Ugh. Somebody please shoot me, I think I'm falling in love to this British bastard. You thought to yourself as you continued listening to his lullaby.

And then five minutes later, the baby was already fast asleep in her crib.

"She looks so peaceful... How did you do that with just one song?" You asked Arthur as you stared at the adorable, little girl.

He shrugged and proceeded on stroking the infant's head. "I don't know... I usually sing to all the kids that I have baby-sit when I want them to sleep."

"You seem so experienced in baby-sitting... How many kids have you baby-sit so far?"

"Well, to be honest, excluding your cute, little cousin... I've only taken care of two kids." He said, scratching his head. "It's those half-brothers, Matthew Williams and Alfred Jones. Though I only took care of Matthew twice since he already moved to Canada."

"Oh... So that's why you sucked in taking care of my cousin at first. You aren't used to taking care of infants!" You teased.

"Sort of. I wouldn't have done it if you didn't guide me, you know." He said as he smiled and gave you a pat on the back, causing you to instantly blush. "Anyway... I wanted to ask you something..."

"What is it?" You inquired.

"I was wondering... If you want to er... go watch a movie with me or go to dinner?" He said, his face going red. "I just wanted to make up for you assisting me earlier." He added lamely.

"Hmmm... Well see, Arthur. If you continue baby-sitting my cousin with me, then I just might accept your offer." You replied. "It was really fun playing "house" with you, you know. I want to do it again someday."

"Heh. Are you asking me to go on play dates with you and your cousin?" He asked as he gave you a smirk. "I accept though... It's really fun to be your pretend husband."