PrussiaxReaderxSpain: Just Another Twilight Parody

No humans, wolves, vampires and half-immortal children were harmed in the making of this parody.

*Le inserts serious music.*

Why is he staring at me like that? You thought to yourself as you watched one of your classmates from across the cafeteria. Is there something on my face?

Said classmate had silvery white hair, and pale white skin. His eyes, which were colored a deep red, were staring at you intently like you were some sort of amazing specie that's undergoing observation.

He was a special young man who had the ability to read every person's mind. However, you've become an exception and for that reason alone, he found you intriguing… odd… and maybe special, just like him. He wanted to know who you are, but--

*Le inserts interrupting sound effect and then le inserts the goofiest music you've ever heard in your entire life*

"Ugh! Screw this. I'm the fucking awesome Prussia for crying out loud, I don't want to act like some stupid, unawesome, brooding, emo vampire." He exclaimed to himself. "I'm just gonna walk right there and ask for that girl's name like the awesome man I am."

"Hey, Frau! Would you mind if I ask for your name?" He asked as he approached you, a smirk etched upon his handsome face.

"Why?" You asked curiously. Why could this ridiculously perfect man possibly want to know your name?

"I wanted to know because you have something other people in here don't…" He explained. "…an empty brain. In addition, I really, really like you so much."

"Really?" You said, not even caring that he told you that you had an empty brain as long as he told you that he liked you. "Since I don't want myself to be called (Insert Name Here), I shall introduce myself as Mary Sue." You said. "I also like dyeing my hair pink and I like to wear pink contact lenses, so instead of using (color), use "pink" instead."

"I see. Nice to meet you, my name is Prussia, but you can call me Gilbert Beilschmidt, cause that's my human name." He replied. "But I'm not human; I am a vampire and I sparkle underneath the sun, which sounds so girly and wrong by the way. Now that we know each other, you can expect me to be in your room later to watch you sleep."

Your pink eyes widen in shock at the unexpected revelation, but since you still have a little bit of sense within you, you refused to believe what he just said. "Prove it."

Gilbert took your hands and you gasped at the sudden contact of his hard and cold skin on yours. "Let's go outside."

And without even asking for your confirmation, he pulled you out of the cafeteria, out of the building and into a conveniently placed forest right at the back of the school.

Then once the two of you were in the middle of the forest and were both away from any human being, he decided to let go of your hand.

"Here's my proof." Gilbert said as he stood to a spot where there was no tree that could shield him from the sun's piercing rays and started unbuttoning the buttons of his shirt.

Your eyes widened some more the moment you took one good look at him, both his face and torso were now sparkling as if a unicorn got sick and puked glitters all over his head, toned chest, stomach and abs.

"Is this proof enough?" He inquired as he started buttoning his shirt again.

"OMG! That is so SUGOI! Marry me right now!" You screamed as you ran up to him and gave him a hug.

"Oh noes! What about me, Mary?" Your best friend, Antonio, appeared out of nowhere and started whining right behind you.

"But you're not like Gilbert at all!" You whined back "I want to get married to a magical, sparkling vampire fairy!"

"So you're only marrying him, cause he's magical?" He asked you incredulously.

"Duh." You rolled your eyes at him as you continue clinging to your new boyfriend.

"Then I think it's time to reveal what I really am, Mary." He said as he got down on the ground on all fours and turned into a big, brown wolf.

"Awwww! So KAWAII! But I still want the sparkling vampire fairy." You said as you let go of Gilbert and leaned down to stroke the great, big wolf's ear. "I'm sorry, Antonio. I still love you as a friend though."

The brown wolf howled and then he looked at you with his puppy dog eyes.

"Awwwwww! Fine! I'll marry--" You began, but right before you could even finish the whole sentence, Gilbert suddenly pulled you away from the wolf.

"Leave her alone." He growled. "Or I'll kill you."

Antonio growled and gave Gilbert one of his most heartfelt glares, then he crouched into a "I'm-prepared-to-pounce-at-you" position and Gilbert did the same, but right before they could leap into each other's throats they looked at you like they were expecting you to take their side.

"Don't get me into this… I don't want to take sides." You mumbled as you started shaking your head. "I am neutral… just like Switzerland."

Then the next thing you knew, a blond man in a green military uniform appeared from behind a tree and pointed a gun to your temple. "Unless you want all the bullets of this gun to permeate that thick skull of yours, don't ever dare liken your whiny-ass self to me, Mary!" He yelled angrily as his green eyes looked into your pink ones.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing here? " Gilbert bellowed. "Can't you see the Prussia and Spain in the title? We're supposed to be the only countries right here in this AU crack fic!"

"Fine! Fine! I'm leaving!" The blond man raised both of his hands and hurriedly walked away. "But I don't want myself being compared to that pink freak over there ever again!"

"Well, now that the interruption is gone, we fight!" Gilbert shouted as he sprung forward and attacked the wolf.

You grimaced as you watched the two of them bite, claw and kick each other. "Guys… Guys! Please stop this!" You screamed between the two magical creatures fighting. "I don't want to see the two of you hurt! Please!"

The two of them heeded your pleas and stopped. Then, Gilbert approached you and held both of your hands as he looked into your pink eyes.

"We'll only stop this fight if you managed to choose between the two of us." He said as he squeezed your hand. "So please… Just tell us who you really want to be with."

You ran your hands through your pink hair and bit your lower lip as the two of them watched you contemplate your decision.

"I'm sorry, Antonio… But I choose Gilbert." You slowly said. "Wait! Don't look at me like that! I really love you, but first come's first serve, right Gilbert?"

"Damn right it is." He said as he carried you bridal style and brought you to his house and introduced you to his family.

And then the two of you got married one month later and had sex; and twenty-four hours after the heated encounter, you gave birth to a half-immortal baby with pale white skin, pink hair and red eyes.

Antonio fell in love with the baby at first sight. Thus, the wolf-thing shape shifter, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, is now forever known as the pedophile who fell in love with an infant vampire baby (Only in this crappy fanfic, of course.).

Then Gilbert turned you into a sparkling vampire fairy like himself and all of you lived happily ever after… THE END!